Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
