I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
