I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
