I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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