She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
