i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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