i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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