i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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