I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
