I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
