when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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