so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
