why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
