you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
