okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
