Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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