Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
