we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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