No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
