She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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