I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
