Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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