My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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