Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can I color on your dick again?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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