I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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