ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
