i already hear my dad disowning me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize