the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
