no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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