i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
