Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
