Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize