if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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