I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
