I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am spending my child support on dildos
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
