smell my finger.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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