Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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