I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
