Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
