"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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