I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
BRING THE BAGELS
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
