he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My cat gives me a boner
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
