So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize