God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
