He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
