I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
