That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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