I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
