I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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