and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
