Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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