Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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