I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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