I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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