I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
