Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
