sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
