SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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