I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am mentally ready for anal.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
