my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
whose parrot is this?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
