i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
