I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize