Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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