At least make sure they are 18
Why
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
