singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have aggressive nipples.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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