Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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