Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
