I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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