I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
