I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
